Conception to 12 Weeks: 4 Learn the Skills
One thing you need to understand is that to learn the skills on how to be a father is different for men than for women in their journey to become mothers.
- Women are physically pregnant and can never take a vacation from that state. This forces them to go through the transition from ‘being’ a woman to ‘becoming’ a mother to ‘being’ a mother after ‘the birth’.
- Men have to ‘choose’ to take on the role of ‘being’ a father.
You get to be who you want to be as a father. It’s your choice. How to be a father is not instinctive nor intuitive by nature. Good fathering skills are learned. Either you learned them from your father and other older male role models or you watched other fathers and decided to pick up some of those skills. Bad fathering skills are also learned.
Most women and men in modern societies have few specific skills taught to them. The movement of people into modern lifestyles and away from traditions means that every single person and family does whatever they want.
This is where our human mind is so complex. One would think that when we have a physiological need such as hunger that we would automatically know what foods are poisonous but we don’t.
Pregnancy the dance
Women are locked into a dance with their baby once they are pregnant but even this intimacy does not produce automatic knowledge on how to be a mother. Our cultures are what teach us how to mother and father. If we don’t have lots of people around us doing the same thing then we don’t know what is expected.
This makes sense when you think about your child. Your child could be brought up in any culture. He or she would learn what is expected and accepted in their culture. Children do not automatically know what you expect of them or what is acceptable. They have to be taught. You have to teach them.
Modern people have so little guidance and each family develops its own way. When you come together with a woman who was brought up differently then conflict around how to parent often occurs.
Secret: Women do not automatically know how to mother. They have to learn just as you do.
There is good news, though. You can talk and discuss things and create the family you want. Once you realize that how you do things are merely taught behaviors you can choose to change them or refine them. Skilled people love their ability to refine their skills.
These fatherhood qualities lead to the behaviors you will use:
- Attention to detail
- Being able to see what needs to be done
- Growing a second set of arms (I’ll explain later)
- Growing two more sets of eyes (I’ll explain later)
Your bottom line
Think about all the men whose fatherhood qualities you admire then mimic those. Think about all the men whose fatherhood qualities you do not admire and commit not to do those things. You’re an adult. You have choices. With skills, you’ll make better choices.