Awareness is very much about self-observation and observation (without judgment) to what happens around you. As you deepen your skills, your awareness shifts to something else. Refinement.
Self-awareness
Whether you already have children or this is your first, phase one of pregnancy is the awakening phase to the reality. You are becoming a father. From day one of this phase, your awareness is immediately heightened. That’s why there is so much emotional and mental change-up.
Sometimes your brain shuts out information and it can be easy to daydream. All of us have ostrich qualities and hide in a cloud cover. We all have peeking qualities where we get busy doing other things to avoid dealing with something important.
The immediate knowledge that you are pregnant instantaneously throws open your awareness and all your avoidance traits. Over the next period of time, your emotions get more excited and apparent with lots of shifts. Your self-talk is heightened even if you’re totally thrilled by becoming a father. If you’re ambivalent then you become much more aware of internal dialogues and emotional swings.
This as the beginning of an important transition in your life. You want to honor everything about this process including the changes in emotions. You want to be thankful that you are taking this journey because you will become a more complete human being. This is ultimately the skill of awareness.
Once your child is born you will realize how fast and slow babies and children grow and change. You have to develop the kindness, patience, and awareness to go with the flow of your baby’s slow development (the first 6 weeks can seem like 1000 years) or rapid changes (one day crawling, the next day walking).
Over time you will realize that the adult phase of our life can be very repetitive compared to living around growing kids. You get to renew yourself through their growth. This is one of the delights of being a parent.
This first wave of awareness needs to be embraced. It’s exciting although not always pleasant. Use phase one to become aware. Congratulations!
Awareness with the pregnant woman
Here’s a secret.
Women are really into non-verbal communication even if they don’t know it. There are some traits that are more enhanced by one gender or the other.
Awareness in women tends to heighten about little details. This is why bullying between women is so subtle. A slight snarl, the rise of an eyebrow, looking away, etc.
Your partner will appreciate your ability to grow your awareness. Remember men have a choice. You have to decide that refining your awareness will ultimately give you pleasure and pride. Awareness is good quality. It’s the path to mastery of any skill.
Awareness is the art of observation, which can include seeing, hearing, touching and stillness. Awareness is almost a primal trait that we can build on.
Your partner will appreciate when you are aware of small things that might benefit from your initiated involvement. Such as cleaning the toilet when necessary or noticing when she needs a hug during those times when she’s not clearly asking for one.
For women, this early phase is an overload of awareness. Conception is a shock to the system. One day you’re not pregnant and now you are and the baby is full-on its development mode from that moment onward.
Women can become SO overloaded during this early phase they shut down or get very agitated. Too much information for many women, changes are too quick, feeling out of control.
When you put kindness, patience, and awareness together you might be able to see how you can be her rock, her hero, her tower of strength, her heart space for feeling protected and safe, her absorber of emotions and her listening wall.
Because women have heightened awareness they often want to tell you the story of everything they are feeling inside. With kindness, patience, and awareness (seeing, hearing, touch, and stillness) you can be the pillar of support that she needs.
Your bottom line
Women don’t want you to solve everything. They want you to listen. This is an act of awareness when you let yourself become still and just observe, listen, and hold.
Now you are beginning to put these fatherhood qualities together for phase one of becoming a father.
Praise yourself for choosing to grow. Praise yourself as you grow. Feel the satisfaction that comes from strengthening your own capacity.
Head to Udemy for all the Fathers-to-be Pregnancy Academy courses. Then at 24 weeks of pregnancy, come back here for the online birthing classes and start with the birth preparation and birth-coaching skills … all developed by hundreds of dads and moms.
Birthing Better skills are housed in Common Knowledge Trust.