First time fathers-to-be
First time fathers don’t always believe they will be really useful in labor. Feeling uncertain is understandable when there is absolutely no societal expectation that you learn birth coaching skills. This means you don’t know you don’t know or even need to know. This is not your fault. Birthing Better Childbirth Preparation skills were developed by fathers equally to mothers and all of them want you to learn these practical and useful skills to help your partner birth your baby.
Put in the time and effort and you’ll feel as this father did.
‘What on earth is a “Pink Kit”? I quizzed my wife. And I carried on asking ignorant bloke-type questions in my mind. Will I understand it? What’s in it for me? Well, why don’t you go through it and tell me what I need to know? I’m glad I got involved and took more than a passing interest. Looking back now, the thought of going through pregnancy and birth without the practical knowledge and insights that the Pink Kit gave me is a daunting one. It helped me on several levels, not least, it meant I could have a very real role to play; I could experience the birth from a much more knowledgeable standpoint and be part of it, I had more confidence and I was prepared. Perhaps, though, most importantly, I was skilled so that ‘we’ would go through labor together with me being able to provide some real help; not just as a hapless observer who then claims all the credit and waxes lyrical about how hard it was.
Prior to working with the Pink Kit, I was worried about getting in the way, being all fingers and thumbs and so the easy thing to do would have been to stand back and let it all happen around me. It really brings it home to me when I hear other fathers say that there were just hanging around in the background during labor because, well, that’s what expectant fathers do, right? In practical terms, the knowledge the Pink Kit gave me about my wife’s body, what was going to happen to it and the baby and what we could do to prepare, was immense. We went through the kit in stages, bit by bit; the video, the book, the tape. The crux of it was, that as we went into labor, yes, I was as nervous as the next person but I also knew that I now had the skills and knowledge to draw on as and when they were needed. As labor progressed, we were able to make life more comfortable and help things along with the hip-lifts, sit-bone spreads and sacral rocks to name but a few.
The Internal Work, while we had struggled with the discipline of doing it regularly at times, was time very well spent. I wasn’t the one doing all the hard work but I did seem to spend the whole 16 hours of labor telling my wife to relax and focus on her breathing. Simple stuff really, but as I came to realize, essential. Focus, breathe, focus, breathe. Here comes another contraction, focus, breathe. At times during the labor we did need to do the exercises to help move the baby down and to help relieve some of the pain so we just got on with it, as we’d been shown. Take it from me, if you try nothing else, the sit bone spread gets great results!
Had the Pink Kit not enlightened me as to what was going on and just why breathing, relaxing and moving into certain positions was beneficial, I would have been one of those guys at the back of the room feeling helpless and passive. For me, the tangible benefits of the Pink Kit are really highlighted not just by me recalling my own experience but when I see fathers-to-be without those skills – like going into unknown territory without a map. Sure, they will get through in the end, but I found that investing a little time and effort made me a lot better prepared for the journey and what to do to stay on track. And so as it was, I was right there, helping. Helping out with the birth of our son in a very real way. An honor and an experience which will stay with me a lifetime and thanks in no small way to the Pink Kit’.
‘When I first saw this kit, I sort of rolled my eyes then knuckled under and got into it with my wife. And did I get a surprise….This stuff is so so easy for guys to understand! Its sort of like plumbing; if the baby gets stuck, just move this bit here and off we go again. Very practical, hands on information. It should be called ‘The Toolkit for Men at Birth’.
This first time father had this to say about The Internal Work
‘Anything you can do, as a man and husband, to help your wife have a better birth, do it. If your wife tells you to do The Internal Work with her and don’t think about sex, then just do it. If you’re embarrassed that you’re doing it, don’t tell anyone. Frankly, I just felt it was my responsibility although I didn’t know what I was actually doing. In labor, all the work we did together paid off. When I saw our daughter born into my hands, I can tell you I was pretty proud of how I had made certain my wife could open up to let such a big object out. My advise to other fathers. It’s your responsibility as well. I know I’m a better father and husband now and I’m a better man.’
Birthing Better was previously known as Birthing Better with The Pink Kit Method®. It’s now presented in online lessons. Look inside