Freaked Father-To-Be Asks A Question
A freaked father-to-be reached out to us two weeks ago with a cry for help. His wife is PISSED off about her last birth and he’s feeling the brunt of her anger, tears, fears, blame and being shut down.
This is his first baby but his wife’s second. Apparently she had an absolutely horrible, horrible experience and three years later is still raging. The difficulty is that the father of her first baby was not this guy and he has NO idea what to do. Basically that was his question … ‘What am I supposed to do?’
- When is she due? …. ‘in about 12 weeks’
- What are the two of you doing to prepare for the birth? … ‘not much’
- What exactly is she saying to you? … ‘YOU’D BETTER BE THERE FOR ME!’
- What are you willing to do to make a difference? … ‘Anything!
Fathers really ‘get’ what Birthing Better is about!
We’ve been corresponding every day for the past two weeks helping him get clear about his role during the rest of pregnancy and The Birth. We sent him this link to the 4th Phase of Pregnancy.
Reading that link actually calmed this man down enough for him to start someplace and he did. He purchased the online birthing class
We heard from him the next day and he had picked out several of the resources and already gone over them. He said he spent about an hour going over all the eBooks and video segments … fast-forwarding through those. He had a great grasp of how he wanted to start. He chose these resources to work through:
- Teamwork eBook 23pages
- Communication eBook 44 pages
- Body skills videos … 8 segments
We heard from him again in a few days. He was transformed! We knew he would be. There’s nothing like learning practical skills developed by other men. He just calmed down and began to use these skills with his partner.
He was going to get on with learning more. He said his next focus was to go through the resources focused specifically on him as a man, husband and father-to-be, and his job/tasks/skills for his role as birth-coach.
He also said that his wife was not yet ready to go through any of the resources. Our comment … ‘That’s ok just do your work’.
Women who are freaked about a previous birth tend to do several things;
- Research everything and get obsessed
- Not want to do anything because ‘why bother’
- Too freaked to do anything without reliving the bad birth experience
Keep in mind that Birthing Better skills were developed by fathers and mothers which means the skills thoroughly address all of these women as well as those who are excited or feel fine or think becoming skilled is the right thing to do.
This guy does not need her to get on board. She might and might not. Either way, he’ll become a great birth coach and she’ll respond at the Time … perhaps reluctantly but she’ll eventually realize he is totally ‘being there’.