In a previous article we discussed some skills how to recognise when the woman needs some immediate assistance in birth.
We began to give some solutions to one of the other important questions Dad’s want to know …’How do I help her’?
We chose common language skills
You learned to give specific verbal instructions or direction to the woman, naming specific places in the pelvis, lower back and upper leg area where she will focus her attention and relax. Do not use generalised words like: ‘relax’. Being specific will help any woman stay focused on her task of remaining open and internally softening even during painful contractions.
Some people ask ‘why do we need to know this stuff? Birth is natural, if other animals don’t need to be taught how to birth why do we?’
You’re right, birth is a natural human occurrence for pregnant women but our human mind can be used to take skills into this very primal experience just like we all develop skills around other primal urges hunger, sexuality or voiding.
Lacking good birth skills can cause many of us to get lost or bowled over by the intensity of labour contractions. All expectant parents deserve and are entitled to a good, positive birth experience in whatever situation they find themselves at the time.
Good birth skills are portable and since all Birthing Better skills come from us, women and men, we wanted skills that blended into the care and circumstances. All humans feel better about themselves when they have the appropriate skills for the task at hand.
You don’t need to become a doctor or a midwife to be a skilled birthing woman or great birth coach. As women we talk to ourselves all the time in labour. In early labour we often will hear ourselves say, ‘Gee it’s not too bad, what’s all the fuss’. As contractions get more intense our negative voice tends to get louder. ‘Oh now I remember how painful it is or Oh I can’t do this or Can’t I just stop for a while’.
Even with a strong negative voice, we all have a positive voice, willing to help us apply our skills. This is called willpower, determination and focus. ‘Now I have to breathe in my nose and relax on the exhale or I have to soften inside my left hip’.
When we train our inner positive voice to constantly apply our skills, adapting them to the different phases of labour, then we don’t get as lost in our negative voice. It is our negative voice that often leads us to use medical pain relief.
We can’t always control what we think or what is happening around or to us but we can control what we do. As the birth coach you’ve learned to use specific words rather than general ones. Now let’s discuss the delivery of those words.
Create a specific list of ten words you can use to trigger the woman to soften around the pelvis, lower back and upper legs. Write them down as a long sentence and put the words ‘soften’ in front of each specific word instead of ‘relax’, what’s the difference?
‘Relax’ is a confusing term and too general. ‘Soften’ is a specific action and more achievable. Read your list out loud to the woman just as you read a sentence such as ‘Soften in your lower back, soften your left hip, soften your right hip, soften your sacrum, soften your inner legs’.
Now try that list using ‘relax’ instead of ‘soften’ and feel the difference in your own body.
Think about the Time spacing when you read your list. If you hurry through the directions, the woman can’t soften fast enough. When you do the softening in your own body as you instruct your birthing partner to do the same then you’ll find the best time spacing to mention the next specific place.
We can’t process directions that are delivered quickly, so slow down and pause after each specific direction. ‘Soften inside your left hip (PAUSE), softening your right hip (PAUSE), soften inside the pubic bone(PAUSE)’.
When a verbal instruction is given, the other person has to hear it, the brain has to place the action and the body has to create the action, this takes time, work together to find the right timing.