A job (or a role) is a series of things you are expected to do; actions you’re expected to perform. You must realize that your job description isn’t just a tool designed to inform you of what’s expected. It’s also a list of the individual skills you must possess to do the job correctly. Expectant parents are, all too often, unsure of what their roles are in the birthing process. A role is synonymous with the term ‘job’ and jobs always have job descriptions. You can’t complete any job, satisfactorily, if you don’t know what tasks need to be completed to fulfill the job description. It makes sense to assume that, if you want a positive birthing experience, you need to identify your roles and the skills needed to fulfill your duties on the job as an expectant parent.
Let’s put it simply: Your role is to become a parent. Your job is to give birth. The time you spend giving birth should be filled with tasks that complement and add ease the birthing process of your baby. You can learn the skills needed to do this.
Your partner’s role is to be your coach throughout this process. The father-to-be’s role doesn’t consist of telling you what to do or simply giving you encouragement. His job is to comfort, support, learn the same skills you do, and help you to implement them during the birthing process whether you labor and have a vaginal birth, labor and have an emergency surgical birth or have a non-laboring Cesarean delivery.
If you each learn the skills required to do your jobs efficiently, you won’t harbor any ill feelings about child birth. There will be no uncertainty, indecision or feeling of being in limbo. You will both be confident and competent parents-to-be! An understanding of your roles and having the skills to complete your jobs properly will build your relationship between the two of you and also, with your new baby. Every moment of your baby’s birth journey can be filled with skills you use.
You can’t expect your doctor, midwife or doula to do the job for you, or for your partner, for that matter. Their job is to assess, monitor and perform procedures beyond the scope of the parents-to-be. Leave them to their tasks, and approach yours as a family. You might as well be honest with yourself. Nobody else can fulfill your role as parent and therefore, no one else can fulfill your role as parent-to-be.