New Zealand expectant dads actually are way ahead of the curve compared to men in other countries. There are so many good things about the New Zealand maternity system.
- It’s FREE!
- You have one midwife who will get to know your family during pregnancy, be there during the birth and visit afterwards for six weeks!
- Your midwife will continue their care even if you need specialist care!
- You have ‘choices’, can create a Birth Plan that is respected unless there’s reason for change!
- New Zealand society views birth as ‘natural’ unless there is a medical reason!
Families everywhere would give an eyetooth to have what you have. Yet the medical intervention rate including Caesarean deliveries has more than doubled since this amazing and wonderful system was implemented. So, what’s wrong with the picture?
Here’s a bold statement
Expectant parents lack skills. This means YOU.
New Zealand society has set up this wonderful system without taking into consideration what role the expectant parents really need to play.
New Zealand has changed the primary birth provider from GP/obstetrical specialist to midwives. New Zealand has changed the place of birth from only hospital to being able to choose a home birth. Neither of these two things change the fundamental problem … a lack of skillful parents-to-be.
These two changes in the NZ maternity services sit on top of a much deeper and pervasive belief about childbirth that has existed for generations. We’ve been brought up to believe:
- Birth is a natural part of life but can sadly have complications.
- You never know what a birth will be like: hard, easy, short, long, painful or manageable.
The deduction reached was simple: there’s nothing you can do about it. A woman is lucky to not ‘suffer’ or she is unfortunate if some complication happens. Birth happens to her. Women are basically powerless. The hope was that giving women ‘choice’ (through making a Birth Plan) would give women some power over an experience she could not control.
The initial assumption is not entirely accurate
Are you able to see that giving birth is actually an activity? It is. Women cannot control that activity. The activity comes from your baby’s efforts to be born. Although a woman cannot control when a contraction happens, how long they last or how painful they are she can control how she responds and manages the activity. You have an equally important and ongoing job during this activity.
It is vitally important for you to understand that a woman’s success does not come from controlling the activity. She can’t. Her success comes from managing the activity well EVEN when she doesn’t like the painful sensations. That she can do. She can do it better with your help.
Learning birth skills will give any birthing woman
- Various coping behaviors
- Things to do to manage the natural occurring pain
- A better mental ‘focus’ rather than to think about the intense sensations common to the process.
Learning coaching skills gives you and all expectant fathers, friends or relatives the ability to:
- Help her cope with the natural occurring pain
- Help her totally relax in the time between contractions
- Help her use her mental ‘focus’ skills to keep her body open and relaxed rather than to instinctively or intuitively tense up.
- Help her actively working through the activity
It’s simple …you and she will feel better about yourselves when you have skills to do this activity Have you ever found yourself trying to do something without the appropriate skills? How did that make you feel?
New Zealand society may never connect the need for birth and coaching skills. The medical profession doesn’t believe its their business. Look at obesity or diabetes. Everyone knows these are life style changes. The medical profession cannot make a person eat better or exercise. Doctors and midwives would love pregnant women not to smoke, eat well, exercise and not drink. They cannot make you do that.
However as ‘The Birth’ looms it’s a lot easier to get people to learn skills because the pregnant belly grows bigger every day. That’s great motivation to learn. New Zealand society expects you to ‘be there’ or ‘do something’ so you need to learn the right skills.
Don’t wait for that to happen. Take responsibility for your own experience of pregnancy and childbirth and reap the rewards:
- Praise from your midwife (and specialist), your partner, your family and friends.
- Personal sense of achievement and accomplishment
- No fear of your newborn.
If your pregnant partner will have a non-labouring Caesarean, she still has to go through the activity of going to hospital, being prepped, having surgery and experiencing recovery. You can still totally enjoy preparing her body to give birth and use skills throughout the day of your baby’s birth. Why not?
Being a skilled father-to-be only has benefits and absolutely no negative side effects. This is how you become a DIYFather.