Wow .. this is such a BIG topic. This is what I’ve learned living among a number of traditional communities as well as in a number of modern societies. Here’s the low-down. We are all one Humanity. Any child can be brought up in any culture and learn those cultural norms. Said another way. No child has an innate understanding of what is expected or what is the norm. YOU have to teach your child everything … sleep patterns are one of those cultural norms.
There are cultures in the world that NEVER nurse their babies at night. Culturally they believe ‘night is for sleeping’. Every culture ‘nurses on demand’ but the word ‘demand’ is perceived of differently in modern societies from traditional communities. In traditional communities babies are only nursed when they curl their tongue and suck on it or put their fist to their mouth. They are not fed just because they move, fuss or wake up. In modern countries ‘on demand’ pretty much means … ‘as soon as the baby wakes, moves, fusses’. This is also pushed on women with a belief that breast fed babies need to feed every two hours. That’s nonsense. In fact, babies that wake every 2 hours at night will often sleep for 4-5 hours during the day!. This is a baby ‘taught’ what the family’s norm is!
If you want your baby to sleep at night then start from the first day to develop what you do when your baby wakes up. FROM DAY ONE! Caveat … if your baby has had to stay in hospital then you have to do things differently. Why start at day #1? Because your baby can be born into any culture and you are teaching it from day one what you expect. Every baby is basically very adjustable within the first 10 days after birth. Start immediately to teach your baby to sleep at night. It’s simple. WHEN YOUR BABY WAKES UP TURN IT OVER! And then leave it alone.
Why is it that simple? Your baby cannot turn itself over for at least 4-5 months! This means the first thing to think about when your baby fusses is turn him/her over. How do you know if that works? Your baby will immediately settle down. If the baby doesn’t settle try turning in a different direction. If turning doesn’t work then feel if baby is wet and change it.
Keep talking to your baby in a soft voice telling him/her that ‘night time is for sleeping’. In other words, behave as though night time is for sleeping!
I’m 73 and been involved with pregnancy, birth and newborns for 45 years. For all those years women have yelled at each other about when to feed, about sleep, whether mother should work… yaddy ya. Don’t listen to anyone else! Bring your baby up the way you want to. You’ll be more comfortable.
Your baby will adjust to however you live. We all see that that family differences in every family you see and know! Start that from day one and stop feeling guilty. Unless you’re beating the crap out of your kids you can feed at night if you really want or not. You can breast feed or not. You can hold your baby all the time or not. There is no right or wrong. Your baby does not care. The only thing your baby wants to know is what do you expect. If you do what is comfortable for you then you’ll feel good and comfortable and so will your baby. If you’re doing things you don’t like but think you should your baby picks up that conflict and keeps testing the boundaries.
PS … This article talks about teaching your baby to sleep through the night from 6 months but you can start at any time.