As an expectant father you need to use your pregnancy as a time to grow from being a ‘man’ to being a ‘father’. This is true of women as well. Pregnancy is the transition time frame and ‘the birth’ is the very specific, defined Gateway through which both of you must pass in order to ‘parent’.
Here’s the reality, once you’ve impregnated a woman growth is all on. The fertilized egg goes on steroids, the cells multiplying constantly and rapidly. The Biological Imperative of growth takes over even though neither you nor the mother may know conception has occurred.
Life has changed from the moment of conception. While your baby is rapidly growing, the woman’s body is also changing. In fact, the woman and the baby are now growing because conception has occurred. Growth is mandated regardless how either of you feel about each other or the pregnancy, or your financial situation, your family life or other factors. The growth of your baby doesn’t take a break …not for one moment. This means the woman’s growth doesn’t stop either … not for one moment. What about you?
Often men feel like observers to this early pregnancy … and even later. Now’s not the time to just watch. In fact, now is the time for you … and all expectant fathers … to choose to grow at the same time. Of course it’s much more difficult to continue to grow rather than be forced to by circumstances. Luckily your baby wasn’t born 10 minutes after conception, you get up to 9 months to grow into ‘being’ a father.
Let’s give you some framework for your growth into fatherhood.
Pregnancy can be broken up into 5 phases for your own growth:
- Conception to 12 weeks
- 12-24 weeks
- 24-32 weeks
- 32 weeks to the birth
- The birth
These are the qualities you can focus your attention on growing during these phases. Remember you want to grow these qualities toward yourself, your baby and its mother:
- Kindness
- Patience
- Awareness
- Attention to detail
- Being able to see what needs to be done and doing it
- Growing a second set of arms
- Growing two more sets of eyes
- Humour
- Delight
- Clarity
Don’t wait until your newborn is in your arms to try to figure out how to father. Your skills can be learned while your baby is growing inside the mother and while the woman is growing her mothering skills.
By growing your fathering skills while pregnant and using birth/coaching skills during birth then you can ‘be’ a confident father once your baby is born.