The birth of your baby should be the greatest experience of your life. In most cases, it is. However, there are times when something goes unexpected and the birthing experience becomes a traumatic experience. The saddest part of traumatic births is the thought that there’s nothing you can do to prevent or cope with it. That’s entirely a lie.
Birth, just like any complicated activity, requires skills you can recall and adapt to match whatever situation may arise. For women and even men, birth is a scary thing, but it doesn’t have to be. And it doesn’t have to be an event that leaves horrible scars in the parents’ lives forever. There are things you can do to help reduce the effects of a traumatic birth.
The first thing you need to do is learn to accept the trauma. You experienced something wholly unique to you, something that no one can deny. If you feel sorrow, grief, or resentment, it is perfectly normal. Consider the two aspects of this: Whatever experience you had is not something no one else has gone through, yet because it is yours it is vastly more important to you. It is okay to place the importance on your feelings, whatever they may be. Be open about what made the event traumatic and learn to accept what has happened for what has happened.
The second thing you need to learn is how to move past the trauma once acceptance has occurred. No good can come from living with deep emotional baggage. Time does not necessarily heal all wounds, but learning to cope does. Find a place in your life for the trauma, but once you find its place learn to move past it. Don’t let it control you any longer.
It is important to be a unified team when dealing with traumatic births. Not all men will instantly be able to understand why the birth was traumatic for their partner, and vice versa. Support is key for any progress to be made toward recovery.
Learning birthing skills can and will help in many situations of a perceived traumatic birth since being able to recognize what is and what isn’t serious can alleviate a lot of stress. There are times when a man will see his wife is severe pain and assume the birth is traumatic, only to learn that she’s completely fine. If both partners have an understanding of what to expect, they can cope better with what actually happens.