Golf and childbirth have more in common than you think
Let me tell you a true story that happened in the 1980s after The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better® was pretty much developed but hadn’t been named and certainly was not available in the resources you will find today.
Karin and Bob were a thirtysomething couple having their first baby. Karin was from Europe originally. She also had suffered during her menses since 16. Every month she had a 7 day heavy flow and was in extruciating pain for 4 days. Bed rest was the only option. Eventually she was diagnosed with entometreosis and told to get pregnant.
Once she fell pregnant, her fear of birth increased. She was absolutely terrified that labour pain would be even worse then her menstrual pains which she couldn’t bare. This coloured her whole relationship to pregnancy, reducing her joy by 1000%. Bob was delighted to become a father and had tried every month to help her. He tried to help but could really only give comfort, a hot water bottle, lots of hugs, a shoulder to cry on, massage and knowledge that ‘this too shall pass.’
When Karin was 6 months pregnant they discovered The Pink Kit. They both agreed that learning about her birthing body was a good thing. They liked doing the work together accept the Internal Work. In fact Karin was very resistant. When asked why she bluntly said: ‘I don’t need to do it because my baby won’t be very big.’ Fear of birth was always on her mind.
‘How big will your baby’s head be?’
‘About the size of a golf ball’ She answered
She meant it. From her point of view, she could not even image the normal size of a baby. To her the pain of labour would just be compounded by a million fold if she had to deliver a normal baby.
Well as she became more pregnant, her baby’s head grew through the golf ball stage, to a tangerine, small orange, apple and finally achieved the average grapefruit size of a term baby. Any woman who is told a baby is the size of a watermelon is being asked to deal with something much bigger than reality. Certainly the whole baby is that size but it’s not the whole baby that gives women the strange bodily sensations … it’s the head and that’s only the size of a grapefruit. Fear of birth was always in her mind.
Anyway, they did start the Internal Work with reluctance on Karin’s part and unending patience on Bob’s. Such a reluctant woman and such a patient man! She was soooooooo tight. In reality she tightened up as soon as they started. Her concept that her baby’s head was only going to be the size of a golf ball was still fixed in her mind no matter the reality of her baby in her belly. So she struggled. Fear of birth was always on her mind. But they every day they religiously did the Internal Work along with practicing the Directed Breathing, Pelvic Clock, good positions for her own Pelvic Map, how to do the Hip Lift, Sit Bone Spread and more.
Three days before her due date she had a ‘show’ and began very small contractions. The natural rush of pre-birth hormones took over, coupled with her fear of birth. She was edgy and nervous. Every contraction, even though they lasted barely 15 seconds, sent her into a panic. And her labour didn’t progress all that day.
She was so afraid of the labour pains she insisted on going to hospital. Once there a duty nurse did a rough internal which sent her into hysterics. Her cervix was tightly closed. Her doctor was phoned and told her to go home. Sadly she went home in tears and full of fears.
Fortunately she had a very creative husband who had embraced The Pink Kit skills. He told her that they had to apply their Pink Kit skills, particularly the one that repeatedly ask ‘What do you want to do now?’ if labour is not progressing. For the rest of the day, they did one thing after another not concentrating on the ‘contractions’ but rather on doing something then doing something else.
They went for a walk, to the museum and a movie then went out for dinner. In the evening she took a warm bath, he gave her a massage and she had a wonderful restful sleep. In the morning the contractions seemed a bit stronger and she was coping with them. In fact she had become fascinated with the sensations which were not very painful. They remained at home until later in the afternoon. This was now the end of the second day.
Before dinner they headed back to the hospital and she requested that her doctor come in to do an internal rather than the duty nurse. Her doctor checked her and she was one cm dilated. She absolutely lost the plot. She cried to her husband … ‘What have I been doing for two days?’
Her husband was wise for a first father as so many men are. He knew she really wasn’t in active labour and that her body and their baby was gently doing the work. The doctor suggested they discuss what they would like to do. Since they lived close to the hospital her doctor was fine with them returning home. Curiously in the time they were discussing what to do the contractions changed.
Within an hour she was having regular contractions that continued to increase in length and strength. For three hours she and her husband worked together beautifully and although she had expressed a great deal of fear of labour pain she seemed to be coping well. Then something changed. The pain changed and with it her attitude. She flew to the bathroom, planted herself on the toilet and clamped her hands into claws.
Her husband trailed after her. Fortunately he knew her behavior and fortunately he knew that now was NOT the time to lose the plot. He knelt down in front of her and asked her to unclamp her hands. She moaned ‘I can’t’. He looked her in the eye and said ‘Now is not the time for you to lose control. You must find someway to throw the energy and pain out of your body.’ She threw daggers at him with her eyes, but he knew he was right.
With initially weak effort she began to flick her fingers and throw the energy out her finger tips. Her efforts became stronger and every time she felt pain she strongly threw the energy out by flicking her fingers by closing her hand and then rapidly opening them as though she was going to spray something out.
In just a few contractions the sounds she was making changed. She realized that she was pushing. It’s always so wonderful that there is often a rest between the opening contractions and the pushing ones and such a change in personality as well. She casually got up from the toilet, walked to the bed being quite relaxed. She got into the position she wanted. Her doctor checked her and she was fully dilated.
The Internal Work paid off. She had 4 contractions to crowning. As her baby sat there waiting for the next contraction, she looked at her husband and said .. ‘Is this all there is to it?’ Everyone laughed knowing how frightened she had been.
The next contraction and their baby was born.
Fear of birth is the fear of the future. When you have taught yourself The Pink Kit skills and use them every moment of the labour you will find that you can work through the most painful contraction.
Pain is nothing to be afraid of. Not knowing how to deal with pain is always something fears. Having skills that give you the ability to cope with and manage each labour contraction leads toward a birth you will feel proud of even if you didn’t like one moment of it.