Here’s my birth with Jake.
I didn’t know I was in labor at first. This is not uncommon. Many, many women have lots of early labor sensations but aren’t certain they are in labor. However, when a woman is in labor she usually knows it. This means if you aren’t certain, you aren’t but your baby is beginning to stimulate your body.
This takes us back to right now. About two weeks before labor Morgan will move down into your pelvis (his head will). This means the top of your uterus will ‘drop’ down (actually the fibers begin to shorten). If you feel your uterus is still pushing up under your ribs then this is not happening.
Often this period is accompanied with more peeing (yes) and pressure on your sacrum because you are having a 3 dimensional experience and a big 3 dimensional head is moving into your 3 dimensional pelvic bone. Once Morgan comes into your pelvis and if you could feel inside you’d feel the curve of Morgan’s head in the top of your vagina.
So, the next few weeks things begin to change. If you don’t bleed then the doctors will be more comfortable letting you have a ‘trial of labor’. You told me they showed you a paper about 75% of women have a c/s anyway if the cervix is not 2 cm from cervix. That means 25% had a vaginal birth and you didn’t mention whether any mother or baby died or was injured. This means you have another decision to make at the time. If you bleed in labor how much is too much?
Let’s talk about labor. I probably started labor about 10am and felt very weird. Over the next few weeks you’ll start to have less interest in your work and begin to feel a bit ‘trippy’. This is normal. The hormones are becoming active. You might also go through several cleaning jags … nest building.
You will get more ‘braxton hicks’. They’ll last longer (this is your uterus practicing labor and shortening it’s fibers). You might get a tugging sensation inside and a slight back ache during them. This is your uterus beginning to tug on your cervix and ‘efface’ the tissue. Your cervix is about 1” long and dilation can’t occur until it is flattened. This is ‘effacement’.
These are great sensations to ‘practice’ your skills to.
At some point labor starts. Although many women can have days of off and on contractions. Labor is all about regular contractions that are evenly spaced. Mostly they aren’t intense.
Progressive labors change every hour or two. The contractions get longer, stronger and closer together. During this period of time is when you get to learn what your body is doing. As one woman said … ‘I’m learning’.
During the many hours I was going into labor with Jake, I just felt weird and spacey. My uterus was very hyper-tonic … contracting all the time and had been for several days. Remember my water had been leaking for 10 days.
So I just went about doing things. This is the vital message. Keep doing work even if it’s made-work: wash, clean, fold clothes, iron, take a walk. I continued to make work all day. I did not get invested in the contractions. This is vital. Until the contractions are really intense don’t get involved but keep using your skills while you’re doing the work. This occupies time.
If you have to go to hospital, bring your hand work, a game, books, cards … anything that the two of you can do during the hours before your labor gets going. Once it gets going then you have to put all your attention to the task.
At a certain point contractions do get more intense and that usually corresponds to the beginning of dilation because the pain is associated directly to the cervix being pulled open!
Morgan will get really quiet because he is now totally engaged in being born. This is the really early part of painful labor and where you have to set up your pattern of response to both the contractions and the rest phases. If you haven’t already established your ‘learning’ during the early phase then it’s much more difficult to really commit to using your skills. It’s easy to feel out of control.
About 3am I realized I was ‘in labor’. I then had to wake Bill and get the people from the big house to tell me where I was going to deliver. They didn’t want me on their property doing this. We called a number of hospitals and decided on one about an hour’s drive.
Labor really kicked in during the drive which is always irritating. You have to really concentrate and the movement of the car is annoying. When we got to hospital I had to check in and then they had to call a doctor who told them to put in an IV to try to stop labor. So I was ploncked onto the bed and an IV put in my left arm.
I got to the hospital about 5am. I could check myself and could feel I hadn’t dilated but the top of my vagina was very thinned out. I didn’t tell the staff that my water had been leaking for 10 days when they asked. I just said: ‘I don’t know.’ You do not need to tell them everything as long as you feel ok.
They were concerned because I hadn’t put on a lot of weight and didn’t look very pregnant. I knew he was big because I could feel his butt, knew his head was in my pelvis and where his feet were. Does Morgan feel really big to you? When a baby feels big or very small a mother knows. I don’t think Morgan is going to be a very overly big chap but over the next few weeks you want to pay attention to whether he comes down into your pelvis.
So the first hour in hospital everyone sort of rushes around asking questions and checking vital signs. This is where I had to be civil yet get on with my business. I had to work with what I had … an IV and a narrow bed. The doctor came in and asked more questions and checked me.
She thought I was in full blown labor … duh. I then asked for the IV to be taken out. They won’t have if I hadn’t asked. They left a heparin lock … just the needle but not the bag. You can ask for that as well.
I then got into a pattern. I lay on my right side between contractions and closed my eyes and closed everyone out. Bill and the woman from the house were there standing around. I had no interest in them trying to help me. I had made a decision: ‘This is the last kid I’m going to have and damn it I’m going to do it my way.’ I knew they wanted to move me into theatre for the birth but I didn’t dwell on that.
During the space between contractions, I went around my pelvic clock and around the cervix and softened every place that had any tension. I could do that several times thoroughly and lay very, very, very still. They must have thought I was asleep.
When the contraction started my inner voice said: ‘fuck why did I go around a soften inside?’ I knew it would cause really intense contractions. I then hauled myself up and put one knee at the end of the bed and the other foot on the bed. I immediately felt nauseaous and stuck my finger down my throat and threw up mostly air.
Then I used my hands to stroke up my belly and sides saying ‘open, open, open, open’ at the same time using my DB and making certain my space down there felt open and my sacrum was soft. Easy to do all these things at once.
I took several cleansing breaths at the end and repeated the process. Whenever the pain increased I checked myself to feel for change. There was always change. Keep in mind I arrived in hospital about 5am. Jake was born at 7am. This meant I dilated from 0-10 in 2 hours although I had been ‘in labor’ since 10am the morning before.
When I gave birth to you I also dilated right at the end. This has been true for about 30% of the women with whom I’ve been with.
So, I just fell into the pattern: lie on right side, soften inside, curse myself, vomit, use my hands, repeat ‘open’, cleansing breaths and repeat … check when pain gets intense.
Right at the end I got lots of pain in my hips. That’s Jake beginning to move down because the cervix is almost dilated. The baby has to move past that place on the inside of your pelvis where the cervix has retracted back into. This place is sensitive and can cause hip pains. You have to just open that lower part of your pelvis more by either The Hip Lift or your position.
I checked and was almost fully dilated. The doctor checked and confirmed so they brought a gerney cart to take me to theatre. I sort of squatted with one knee down and one foot up and held onto the end of the cart. I had another big contraction and could feel Jake move down. I told him (in my head) .’don’t do that’ and the contraction stopped.
They finally got me into theatre and asked me how I wanted the bed set up. I thought to myself ‘fuck they want me to decorate too.’ They put the back up and lowered the leg so I could sit up on the edge. The back was too far for me to sit back so I sat on the edge with my legs below me on the lower part of the bed and started to massage my vagina. It got dry and I asked for something. I can still see the nurse walking to the cabinet and getting me KY jelly. Everyone in the labor ward was watching. They had never seen a woman give birth herself.
I had another contraction … but this one was pushing. I kept my hand on my vagina and kept massaging everywhere that felt tight. I continued to massage between contractions but I was always keeping myself upright with my left arm because there wasn’t any place for me to lean back.
I had two more contractions and thought I was going to tear. I had had a double cut with you and hadn’t had time to really do the internal work. I said outloud: ‘I think I need an episiotomy’. The response in the room from several people who were all masked up and invisible to me was ‘you have plenty of room.’ I then thought ‘fuck when you need them they aren’t there.’ I had another two contractions and Jake flew out.
Their first comment was: ‘Look how big he is.’ They showed him to me for a split second and whisked him away. My placenta delivered really quickly. They commented: ‘Look how healthy it is’. By that time they were back and told me he had lots of bacteria on his skin and could they give him antibiotics through the umbilical tube they had put in and he was under oxygen with 80%. I said yes, but I also knew he was ok.
I jumped off the table to go see him and they said: ‘nope you have to wait four hours.’ So I did. I knew I had to play it all by ear at this point. He was in a box with white sound and lights so I reached in and put my finger in his hand and that’s where the ‘squeeze, squeeze, squeeze’ came from between him and me.
I’m not certain whether you came in that day and came to hospital or the day after. Anyway, by next morning Jake was fine and I bargained to take him home.