You have to imagine yourself as a baby. Your baby is going to pay attention to your actions, tone of voice, and behaviors long before they will understand your words. It’s important to see the “baby” part of our humanity and learn how to read non-verbal language. Fortunately, The Dog Whisperer can help. If you’ve never watched then please do. You learn to talk ‘dog’ and you need to learn to talk ‘baby’. But we’re also in the first few weeks of pregnancy when your baby isn’t much more than a bundle of cells.
In these very early months of pregnancy, there are changes going on with your baby and your partner. They reveal themselves more subtly than in later months when you can see a big belly and feel a baby kick. Yet, once your baby is born it’s much more subtle about telling you what it needs.
The reason all babies have generalized yet subtle behaviors is directly due to the fact that your baby is waiting to be taught what you do so it can mimic you. Our shared humanity tends to be ignored at the point where we experience our cultures then we become different from one another but we’re no different. Every person in any culture recognizes a smile or tears.
If we were all the same then your baby would be born doing things the way we all do things. But we are different by culture and your baby needs to learn by being taught by you. For you to be able to teach your baby what you want them to learn has a lot to do with the confidence you have. If you have not used pregnancy to grow these qualities then your newborn can seem like an alien. With skills, you will never fear your newborn.
The Skills
Your baby is not an alien even at this first stage of pregnancy. It’s part you in your baby form. Over the rest of pregnancy you can extend these qualities so that they are fully developed as soon as your baby is born:
- Patience
- Awareness
- Attention to detail
- Being able to see what needs to be done
- Growing a second set of arms (I’ll explain later)
- Growing two more sets of eyes (I’ll explain later)
- Humor
- Delight
- Clarity
There is nothing sadder than a man who is afraid and intimidated by their newborn. This occurs for three primary reasons:
- No one has helped the man to ‘become’ a father
- The man has not had the appropriate skills to help the pregnant woman prepare for giving birth.
- The man has not had the appropriate birth coaching skills to really work with his baby’s efforts to be born in whatever birth unfolds
Secret
Women can also feel uncomfortable with newborns but someone has to learn how to care for the baby. It is often left to the woman particularly if she is breastfeeding, which is also a learned skill.
If you’re inclined to do some type of ceremony to honor your coming fatherhood then please do.
- Do whatever you can to honor this huge transition in your life.
- Do whatever you can do to educate other men, your partner, and your family and friends of the importance of this early transitional period of ‘becoming’.
Your bottom line:
You are important to creating a whole new change in your life throughout your pregnancy, childbirth, families, fatherhood, and relationships. Be aware of your behaviors as well as your partners and babies.
All Birthing Better skills are housed in Common Knowledge Trust.
Birthing Better online birth classes are found here in 5 online birth courses.
Fathers-to-be Pregnancy Academy courses covering the 5 Phases of Pregnancy are found on Udemy.
In other words, Birthing Better dads developed skills so they can grow alongside their baby and the mother from conception through birth. Being skilled increases confidence in oneself and you’ll never be afraid of your newborn and be a much better, skilled dad and partner.