Dads-To-Be Conception To 12 Weeks-15
I think about all the wonderful men who have come into my life to teach me how they mostly mentored themselves and were sometimes mentored by another man (less frequently) during this important period of personal growth … pregnancy. What has struck me time and again is the lack of societal support for boys and men in our modern societies for the past 40 years. This means a whole generation of men have had very little idea what is expected of them. This also means that we now have a whole generation of men who don’t feel respected or honored. In fact, the general message is that men are the cause of all worldly problems.
I’ve always asked myself … ‘What is the natural relationship between women and men?’ My perspective is definitely colored because I am a woman however I’m also a mother who raised both a daughter and son. And my perspective comes from living in many different cultures and in many traditional cultures.
So here’s my personal opinion.
- Women and men must grow together.
- Men and women must be equal without oppression of either.
What does this have to do with ‘clarity’, men and Phase 1 of pregnancy? It’s quite simple … during Phase 1 is when you will begin to think about your child, what you want to do as a father, how you want to raise your child and how you view boys and girls!
This introspection opens up your clarity
Each of us has been brought up by women and men who have their own personal belief about the relationship between women and men and what is expected of each. However, you are ‘becoming’ a father and now it’s your turn to raise the next generation. This is power, this is privilege and this is responsibility.
Clarity is a wonderful quality to grow because this taps into our intuition … ‘turns the light on’. Clarity is often full of ‘ah ha’ moments or insight. Clarity gives you the capacity to look at and evaluate your actions.
Here’s food for thought. In a study of tens of thousands of abused children 100% knew the abuse was wrong and 80% then abused their children when they grew up. Why would this happen? Simple … lack of skills. Abused children do not have role models for good parenting behaviors.
Because we are all one humanity yet are brought up in diverse cultures, each with their own ways of doing things, we do not intuitively know how to parent … it’s a learned set of complex sets.
Stretching, growing and exercising personal clarity means you get to evaluate, look at, change or keep fatherhood qualities that you’ve experienced and seen.
This is the phase when you get to ask many questions:
- How do I want to discipline my children … and at different ages?
- What tone in my voice will I use when I’m displeased with my children?
- How will I teach them good behaviors? Will I show them or tell them to ‘do what I say but not what I do?’
- How can the mother of my child and I work on our differences?
- How do I and the mother of my child work things out now?
As you become a father, you get to reinvent yourself.
The best way to develop ‘how to be’ is to have a personal bottom line. You want your inner self to feel aligned with your outer self. This is where intuition plays a big role in our life. We know when we are behaving well or not. We know when we are using a tone in our voice that is pleasant for others to hear or not.
Your bottom line
Start to look at other fathers. Pay attention to what you like and don’t like. Begin to imitate what you like and begin to recognize what you don’t like. If you see something you don’t like ask yourself how you would do it differently. Look at fathers with children of all ages and see what others are doing or not doing and how you want to be as a father.
Clarity opens up your personal road map to ‘how-to be’ a father.
Head to Udemy for all the Fathers-to-be Pregnancy Academy courses. Then at 24 weeks of pregnancy, come back here for the online birthing classes and start with the birth preparation and birth-coaching skills … all developed by hundreds of dads and moms.
Birthing Better skills are housed in Common Knowledge Trust.