One thing you need to understand is that learning how-to be a father is sort of different for men than for women in their journey to become mothers.
- Women are physically pregnant and can never take one nano-second vacation from that state. This forces them to go through the transition from ‘being’ a woman to ‘becoming’ a mother to ‘being’ a mother after ‘The Birth’.
- Men have to ‘choose’ to take on the role of ‘being’ a father.
You get to be who you want to be as a father. It’s your ‘choice’. How to ‘be’ a father is not instinctive nor intuitive by nature. Good fathering skills are learned. Either you learned them from your father and the older male role models or you watched other fathers and decided to pick up some of those skills. Bad fathering skills are also learned.
Most women and men in modern societies have little specific skills taught to them. The movement of people into modern lifestyles and away from traditions means that every single person and family does whatever they want.
This is where our human Mind is so complex. One would think that when we have a physical, physiological need such as hunger that we would automatically know what foods are poisonous but we don’t.
Who knows why … perhaps this is actually a good thing. Humans live around the world where the foods available vary greatly. If we were hard-wired to only know certain foods then we could never have settled in so many places.
Pregnancy the dance
Women are locked into a dance with their baby once they are pregnant but even this intimacy does not produce automatic ‘know-how to birth’ or how-to ‘mother’. Our cultures are what teach us the how-to ‘father’ and ‘mother’. If we don’t have lots of people around us doing the same thing then we don’t know what is expected. We have too many possibilities.
This makes sense when you think about your child. Your child could be brought up in any culture. He or she would learn what is expected and accepted in their culture. Children do not automatically ‘get’ what you expect of them or what is acceptable. They have to be taught. You have to teach them. The below list of qualities are important to teach your children.
Because modern people have so little guidance and each family develops it’s own way when you come together with a woman who was brought up differently then conflict of how-to parent can lead to lots of conflicts.
Secret: Women do not automatically know how to ‘mother’. They have to learn just as you do.
There is good news … you can talk and discuss things and create the family you want. Once you realize that how you do things are merely taught behaviors you can choose to change them or refine them. Skilled people love their ability to refine their skills.
So these fatherhood qualities lead to the behaviors you will use:
- Attention to detail
- Being able to see what needs to be done
- Growing a second set of arms (I’ll explain later)
- Growing two more sets of eyes (I’ll explain later)
Your bottom line
Think about all the men whose fatherhood qualities you admire … then mimic those. Think about all the men whose fatherhood qualities you do not admire … commit not to do those things. You’re an adult. You have ‘choices’. With skills you’ll make better choices.