Unfortunately the reason for a previous cesarean delivery does not fall into the ‘one only reason’ category. There are so many reasons why a birth ends with a cesarean delivery. Now you are faced with your partner’s decision. Her decision (which may or may not have been equally or decision) to attempt a vaginal birth after a cesarean (or VBAC) may not be equally shared with you Whether you share her decision or not, if you are going to be at the birth then you want to be able to help her.
Unfortunately, you are faced with having to take a role you probably feel totally unprepared for and that’s a natural feeling for fathers to experience. A vaginal birth after a cesarean delivery is still a topic of political debate between the medical community and the pregnant woman. Fathers often feel fully excluded from the discussion, your partner may have valid emotional reasons why she wants to have a vaginal birth.
Often her feelings and emotions seem in conflict with the medical community’s opinion that birth is risky enough much less adding the risk of attempting a vaginal birth after major abdominal surgery. Your partner might find support from other women who have successfully had a vaginal birth, but rarely will you hear from a father who has had to support this experience.
Things can change, you can’t go back and do the previous birth over again, but you can do a great deal to have either a successful vaginal birth after cesarean or a successful repeat cesarean.
It’s important to go down this path; there aren’t really any women who will insist on a vaginal birth when they really know their baby is at risk. Parents will lay their life down for their child and that includes women who desperately want a vaginal birth experience.
With the right birth skills, any birth can be a positive experience. Preparing for birth is something that should happen during pregnancy. In fact, pregnancy and giving birth need to be tied together through learning both birth and coaching skills. Your job is to learn coaching skills.
You’ll certainly be faced with many things to think about, and many fathers do not feel particularly consulted. Preparing for childbirth is about the choices (or lack of) your partner has, along with the health issues of your baby, your partner and your Doctors or Midwives’ opinions about a vaginal birth after a cesarean.
Encompassing all of these complex issues is your relationship to the mother of your child. Having a vaginal birth after cesarean is an emotional decision for most women. Often there’s not much logic often in the decision. This isn’t right or wrong. They feel they have missed out on a primal female experience. And you have the right to ask your partner if she wants a vaginal birth after cesarean no matter what the outcome.
You’ll learn that women will say ‘I’ll have a cesarean if I think it’s necessary’. What she wants from you is support to try to have a vaginal birth as long as she and your baby are fine. And this is reasonable.
If you want to assist in making this happen, you must get your head turned in the right direction. It’s important for you to realise that all pregnant women will give birth, one way or another. This is essential to really know, once you totally comprehend this, you can take the next step and realise that during pregnancy is the time to learn birth skills (for your partner) and coaching skills for you.
Enjoying preparing for the birth of your baby can take place whether the birth is vaginal or by surgery. Birth is birth. This means as a father, you must learn a good set of coaching skills. Coaching moves beyond support. To support a woman in labour is basically a rather passive role. Coaching is not telling women what to do. It means working with the woman at every moment of this dynamic process whether this is one contraction following another or whether it’s during the surgery.
As long as the woman is awake and not unconscious, she still will breathe and her body will be in some position. This means she can always use breathing and internal relaxation skills at every moment of the birth process. You can help her do that and be an equal participant to that process.
Birth is actually a verb rather than a noun. Birth is also a process rather than an outcome. That’s why taking time during the last 16 weeks in pregnancy to learn birth and coaching skills adds a wonderful component to your partnership and your closeness to your partner and baby.
Another thing about birth that fathers have to understand is that it’s a very physical experience to our body. This body is something that both women and men share in common. We all have the same bones, muscles, can blink, cough and relax when we pay attention to doing that.
This means there are a set of coaching skills that fathers can learn and practice during pregnancy that increase confidence, brings you closer to your partner and baby.
Then you can take a natural leap into ‘the birth’. There are women who labour and then have a cesarean delivery. There are women who labour and have a vaginal delivery. There are women who have a cesarean delivery without having contractions. But keep in mind, birth is birth and all pregnant women will give birth, one way or another.
This means as a male, you can see birth as an equal opportunity experience. You can bring your coaching skills to whatever birth your partner has. By working together with a shared set of birth skills based on our body means that both of you can have a positive and fulfilling birth experience.
Just remember to bring your coaching skills into whatever birth is happening. Bring breathing, relaxation and great communication skills to your birth. Your Doctor or Midwife will love to see you, as a father, really helping your partner give birth. Birth is an action and coaching is the action that helps your partner accomplish her task.
It is totally possible to have a vaginal birth after a cesarean possible. This is much easier to accomplish when you have great coaching skills such as Directed Breathing, The Pelvic Clock and Deep Touch Relaxation and have taken the time during pregnancy to learn them. However, your goal must be deeper. Your goal must be to learn coaching skills during pregnancy and use those coaching skills in whatever type of birth you have.
Birth is birth. And every birth can be the most enjoyable experience as well as an experience that grows your closeness as a couple and family. No family should be left with shame, blame and guilt around the birth of their children.
When pregnancy becomes connected to learning how to birth for the woman and how to coach for the father, then birth will become something we do no matter what, by working together.
When a vaginal birth after cesarean has been achieved because of the childbirth preparation you have done during pregnancy, then you realise that there are very specific skills you do need to accomplish the task.
So, as a father supporting a VBAC, get stuck into learning coaching skills from 24 weeks of pregnancy. Every day that you practice breathing and relaxation together, you will both feel more confident.