It’s A Bit Of A Hoot
Do you really know what childbirth means? The obvious answer is… ‘I’m having a baby’. Yes, the ‘baby’ is the object and it’s pretty clear you’ll either have a boy or girl. But what does the word ‘having’ mean? Does this mean, you pick your baby from a cabbage patch or receive it from a stork?
To ‘have’ is actually a term of possession, yet when coupled with ‘having a baby’ this turns the meaning into something else. Understanding how we use words can totally change how we approach a subject.
Looking at Encarta® …’have … is
‘A verb indicating that somebody possesses something, either materially or as a characteristic or attribute; to receive or obtain something.
OR … to experience or undergo something, to engage or participate in something (1)
OR … to arrange for somebody to do something for you or on your behalf (2)
OR … to tolerate or put up with something (usually used in negative statements) (3)
OR … to be the parent of a child, or conceive, carry, or give birth to a child (4)
OR … to be the victim of an unpleasant action or experience (5)
Wow, so many different definitions that can stimulate lots of different emotional responses. There’s a BIG difference between all of those. And ‘having’ a baby can include all of those.
Your BirthingBetter skills are intended to avoid (2) which you can’t accomplish … unless you have a surrogate mother; and avoid (3) and (5). Neither of you want to look back on ‘having’ a child as unpleasant.
Although there may be many unpleasant aspects surrounding the birth of your child, your skills will permit you to act, conduct yourself well even within difficult situations. Remember what the Chinese say: ‘If you can’t change the circumstances, change your attitude’. That couples with what Maya Angelou says: ‘When you know better, you do better’.
You have, like all of us, had terrible situations when you’ve behaved horribly and other horrible situations when you’ve been proud of how you’ve handled things. That’s what your BirthingBetter skills will give you … the ability to handle what ‘having’ a baby means.
More confusion
Why are we spending so much time deconstructing words and terms in childbirth? Because when we assume we know we can make an ‘a… of you and me’. Terms and words in childbirth are as confused and loaded as political terms. But once you re-organize your thinking you’ll feel much more settled about the coming birth.
We don’t even agree on what the word ‘child birth’ means. Sure we know a child is born. We all agree on that and then it everything goes to custard. Everyone has an opinion about where, with whom and what should happen during childbirth There are actually ‘camps’ of women who very strongly believe that only ‘natural childbirth’is safe and camps of women who think that’s crazy and only a medical childbirth is safe. Most people have strong opinions. Yet just this one disagreement has led to some interesting responses.