There is no doubt that experiencing a traumatic birth leaves scars on you and your family. There are so many reasons for a traumatic birth and the after affects. No one would have wanted that experience for you.
You might believe that every birth you have will be traumatic. Yet, every birth is different and there is no way you can predetermine that the next birth will be like. So many personal and political issues surround childbirth that’s really easy to blame yourself or others. Sometimes you just believe whatever Higher Power you turn to has pre-determined this experience.
It’s so easy to assume that once a traumatic birth always a traumatic birth. Too many women and men have been totally blown away by a subsequent birth being absolutely lovely.
There are many ways to reduce, prevent or eliminate the potential for a birth to leave a sense of trauma (TABS). The most effective way is to learn both birth and coaching skills through preparation during pregnancy.
There are so many factors around childbirth that we cannot control. However, the one thing we can control is our ability to respond to any situation. The more skilled we are the more able we are to respond rather than react or to feel swept along by events.
All the research done on post traumatic stress has much to do with the ability to respond even if you didn’t see it coming. Humans like being skilled. Feeling competent and capable is one of our great desires. We so strongly want to be skilled that learning new things often affects our self esteem until the skills become second nature.
Coping with childbirth is always a challenge. Labour can be very painful and all the medical care in the world can still leave you feel incomplete and dissatisfied. If you are pregnant now or planning to be pregnant learning birth skills can make all the difference in the world
Birth skills come in two forms. The first is learning ‘techniques.’ The danger of just learning a series of techniques is what happens when you find it hard to use them. What do you default to? Nothing. On the other hand you can learn a set of birth skills that come from our human behaviors. For example, if you understand how we breathe, what causes our breathing to change and how to use breath to produce the most relaxation then you have a breathing skill that always works. Because using relaxed breathing skills makes sense. They will never fail when they are used.
It might be hard work to use relaxed breathing skills but once you understand how you will breathe if you don’t use them then you realize it’s more a matter of choice, will power, determination than just ‘technique.’ Often the difference between having a traumatic experience and being traumatized has much more to do with what skills you use than what happens.
Feeling powerless is a statement of lack of skills. There are many things that happen in our lives that we have absolutely no control over. When we have skills such as Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation then we can manage the experience even if we don’t like it.
If you have been traumatized by a previous birth, now is the time to learn birth skills, even if you are not pregnant. Preparing your body and learning the skills gives you great insight into how you would have managed the previous experience. This gives you more ability to handle the future.
There is no guarantee that at your next birth, the situation will lend itself to a positive experience. Never expect anyone to give you or do something for you as your bottom line. No one can make us be happy or sad or angry or calm. These are things we have to do for ourselves in whatever situation. It’s the same with birth skills. Birth skills once learned are yours forever. They can help you heal the past, prepare for the future, deal with the present and come away from the experience knowing that you met the challenge as best you could by being in control of yourself, your behaviors and your mind.