Hey guys. If you don’t know this already …. a pregnant woman is unique. She’s pregnant with a baby that is half her’s and half your’s. But pregnancy is happening in her body yet the baby is not entirely her’s or a permanent part of her. What you also know is to separate the pregnant woman from your baby she has to do the activity of giving birth and your baby has to do the activity of being born. Because you want your wife to have a VBAC then she has had a previous caesarean surgical birth. Her previous experience may have been inside a different relationship than with you so you might not actually know what happened in her last birth. If you were involved with the previous c-section you know that either real and serious medical or health issues led to the cesarean or you and she might feel she was bullied and pressured to have an ‘unnecessary’ Caesarean.
In other words how the previous c/s occurred you now want her to labor and give birth vaginally. Wanting her to have this type of birth means you have to step up and gain the skills that will give her confidence so she can be successful.
We’re not kidding
Here are some realities:
- Pregnant mothers-to-be often feel less confident about their baby’s father because of his lack of growth during her pregnancy. Women are mandated to grow and mature during pregnancy because your baby has a biological imperative of growth which drags the mother along whether she wants to or not. If you want her to achieve a VBAC, you MUST grow by choice but most men don’t have a clue how to match the rapid growth of both the baby and mother.
- A VBAC has always been misleading. To get to the vaginal part of birth the woman must get through the hard work of labor. Rarely is a cesarean performed during the vaginal part. If your wife can’t get through the labor part then she will not achieve the vaginal part. You can help her tremendously when you are skilled.
- You must help her prepare her pregnant body to become a birthing body, learn, practice birth and birth coaching skills and then be absolutely certain you will help her cope with the natural occurring pain of cervical dilation during the labor part.
Birth skills are absolutely essential
For the past forty years pregnant families have been discouraged from becoming skilled. As a pregnant couple you are encouraged to make ‘choices’ and create a Birth Plan. Your wish for your pregnant partner to have a VBAC is all about your ‘choice’ and hope but if you lack skills she’s less likely to achieve that success. There is no way to know how any birth will unfold. No one can choose the birth they have. Without skills it’s much harder for birthing women and dads like yourself to deal with birth as it unfolds and unfold it will. Be prepared by being skilled so you can always work through your baby’s birth journey no matter where you birth, with whom or what is happening to or around the birthing woman and baby.
What happens if …
There are many circumstances that move the goal post of birth away from what you want or what you plan. If your pregnant wife decides to have a non-laboring surgical birth or has an emergency Cesarean, you must keep in mind that giving birth is always an activity that she, your baby and you do together. All the skills you’ll learn in Birthing Better Childbirth Preparation skills should be used in whatever birth you find yourselves. This way you can always work with your baby’s efforts to be born. This commitment to being a skilled father will make a huge difference in your relationship to both your baby and your partner.
Whenever you consider ‘The Birth’ to start is when you begin to use your skills. At some level forget the ‘type’ of birth and focus on the Time-filled activity of giving birth. In other words if you’re driving to hospital, being prepped and have a Caesarean delivery that all takes Time. Just use your birth and birth-coaching skills to work through your baby’s birth journey just because you are parents and doing this is your job.
Labor takes place over Time. Don’t wait to use your birth and birth-coaching skills when contractions become really intense, instead use your skills throughout the Time it takes to move from early labor through to the vaginal birth part.
If labor ends up with a surgical Casarian then commit to using your skills while the woman is being prepped and during the c-section. This is still your baby’s birth. Birth your baby with skills. Doing so leaves both of you feel involved and empowered.
It’s great that you want your wife to have a VBAC. Now you need to truly help your wife to properly prepare to give birth then work through the whole birth activity on a moment-to-moment basis.