Listen and observe in birth
Giving birth is definitely ‘woman’s business’. Only your birthing partner is directly doing the activity of giving birth. So ‘women’s business’ is the right word for this aspect of the reality of birthing a baby. The danger is assuming that just because women ‘do’ the birth means they ‘know-how-to’ do the birth. Once you get your head wrapped around this profound difference then you can act on this appropriate. At The Birth the birthing woman wants desperately to stay on top of and in control of what is happening inside and outside her.
Because women know they do not know how-to birth instinctively, they wanted their husband, partner, friend or relative to be with them … to help! Women wanted husband-coached childbirth. Even pregnant women who feel very confident about birth and believe they will know what to do on the day get thrown for a loop if the birth doesn’t unfold as they hoped and wanted. This alone tells everyone that we, the women, do not innately know how-to birth. Many women find the skills inside themselves during their birth but the vast majority don’t.
For those women who labor when contractions get really intense many women feel overwhelmed. If labor turns to an unplanned Caesarean most women just stop trying and become passive. For women having an elective c-section being a bit disengaged comes with the disconnect between pregnancy and having to labor and have vaginal birth.
- If those statements either irritate you or make sense, all these women lack one thing … birth skills. Why exactly would a woman become overwhelmed by natural occurring pain if she had good skills to use? She won’t. She’d dig deep and use skills. There is no woman who wants to feel out of control.
- Why exactly would a woman stop using skills if her birth turns more medical? She won’t. With skills she’d keep working through her baby’s birth journey.
- Why would a pregnant woman having an elective Caesarean not use birth skills to totally participate in her baby’s birth if she knew she could and should? Of course she would use skills because she would know that using skills brings her closer to her baby’s birth journey.
Here’s where you come in
You need to become a good birth coach. It’s quite simple. Your birthing partner wants you to be there for the birth of your baby. She doesn’t want you to stand around and just watch her. She wants you to participate in your baby’s birth. And you do too. This means you must mentally travel from seeing yourself as ‘birth support’ and now as an effective ‘birth coach’.
Birthing Better Childbirth Preparation Online Course was developed by fathers-to-be as much as mothers-to-be. This means other men are going to teach you the right skills to use to help rather than just encourage.
- Helping does not mean: giving ice chips, wiping a brow or being hung on.
- Helping means: having the skills to be a great birth coach so together you work with your baby’s birthing journey.
Birth Plans are all consuming
For too long we’ve only focused on conventional Birth Plans … what the woman wants or doesn’t want. You might not be very involved in making that Birth Plan or you might. You might understand all the things your pregnant partner wants for her birth or not.
Now is the time for you to make a skills-based Birth Plan about what you will do. No one has told you that you or her need skills so you’ve never thought about making a Skills-based Birth Plan. We want to wake you up to reality. And this is the simple reality. The Birth is an ACTIVITY your pregnant partner will do. All activities are best done with a good set of skills.
She wants you to ‘be there’ and know how to help. That means you need great skills that Birthing Better fathers want you to have.
Men make wonderful birth coaches because every single man has been born through a woman’s body. Men are hard-wired to understand birth. You just need some practical and universal skills that are based on our shared human body and work in every type of birth.
Hearing and observing
One of the gifts Birthing Better fathers want you know is that you can learn to read your birthing partner’s face and body gestures as she experiences the internal sensations and know if she’s coping or needs you to help.
You can learn how to hear what the sounds she makes as she experiences the sensations. She wants you there to ‘help’. And now you can have the skills to help her regain control even if the sensations are very unpleasant.
Do you really how important this is? When you have the right skills you can actually help! The skills are so practical that you’ll bonk yourself on your head and go ‘Duh’. Don’t blame yourself. No one told you. How you came here, who knows but you are. Now take the next step. Learn the skills to observe and hear how your birthing partner is experiencing the birth of your baby and know exactly when and how to help her stay on top and in control. You become superman.