Birthing Better with The Pink Kit Method® evolved in the early 1970s from ordinary families who were all pregnant (therefore 100% of them would give birth one way or another) yet they each had their unique background, story, desires, circumstances and situations. As humans we share more than we acknowledge yet we’ve tended to see our uniqueness rather than our humanity. It is our stubborn refusal to see that we are One Humanity that is the cause of so much global conflict. As human beings we tend to exist within the fabric of our own lives, each as unique as a snowflake sometimes feeling joined to others by culture or religion yet our humanity reaches deeper and can never be put aside.
For pregnant women this is good news. We can share a common set of skills and a common language to explain them even when translated into other languages.
The original Pink Kit families who helped to evolve these skills found themselves faced with their individual situation. This caused an initial struggle to accept that our commonality was infinitely more powerful, stronger and capable of achieving a positive birth experience than our individuality. It was quite simple once we peeled away the personal issues, wants, hopes, desires, realities, plans and choices … not one of us could actually plan the birth we would have. This is one of our commonalities! The Birth always unfolded in its own unique way as we, women, found ourselves experiencing what Women have experienced throughout Time … giving birth.
Yes, our individuality and unique circumstances played a factor, actually many factors. For example, a woman with major health issues who lived in a town with only one hospital and obstetricians who were quite conservative, often didn’t have choices even if she wished she had. She didn’t want to have a poor birth experience or feel powerless because of her circumstances. The knowledge and reality that all humans only breath four ways or that all of us could feel the bones we sit on and keep them as far apart as possible no matter what posture or position we were in, gave focus when everything else seemed unmanageable, chaotic, lacking in choice or evolving in unexpected ways. Replace the above story with any other one and we discovered the same things … breathing, tension/relaxation … our body permitted us to evolve the skills any of us could use while giving birth. Giving birth was experienced in our shared human body and we could know it, prepare it and use skills to journey through this Gateway activity from ‘becoming’ to ‘being’ a mother and father/other.
Every single individual pregnant woman and expectant dad discovered how transformative our commonality really was. We finally had a place to truly share, to speak a common language, to have a commonly shared set of skills and to all know what we could do during The Birth.
For natural birth and midwifery advocates the strength of our commonality is both acknowledged (women have birthed throughout Time) and denied (there is no one set of skills that fit everyone). For those who are comfortable with modern maternity health care there is much less acknowledgement of our commonality (I have … or my baby has … or my doctor says …) and as little interest in birth and coaching skills as those advocating natural birth (my doctor/midwife will take care of me or there’s nothing I can do because …). We’ve created a monster! And we … as women … are doing this to ourselves and one another. Shame on all of us!
For something that is so exquisitely unique and common … pregnancy and giving birth … and so infrequent and profoundly transformative we, Women, have relegated the experience to almost something so common that it’s not worthy of being a highly skilled activity. We combine our passivity (the doctor will take care of me or my midwife is wonderful and I trust her) with our inability to grasp how our commonality can lead to a simple set of birth and coaching skills that each of us can use during The Birth of each of our children.
That concept should bring sighs of relief and profound gratitude instead there seems to be a collective finger in ears, eyes closed as joined Voices arise .. lalalalalalalalalalalalala. And then each of us spends the rest of our life remembering what happened. Sadly we’re more likely to remember what happened to us or around us rather than what we did. By growing a skilled birthing population for all pregnancies and every birth, Birth Stories can elevate our own skills and we can proudly announce to the world how we worked through our baby’s birth journey no matter what happened to or around us.
Now, more than any time in history, we have the possibility to share good, simple, practical, usable birth and coaching skills. Yes, there are a number of skills-based resources and The Pink Kit is one. The Pink Kit skills evolved in a response to NOT striving for any particular type of birth but rather to give us the skills to work through our baby’s birth journey as it unfolds. This orientation to pregnancy and birth is uncommon among other skills-based resources that tie their skills to only one approach to birth … achieving a ‘natural’ birth. By tying one type of birth to skills leaves too many women out and that is not good for our societies.
While that word ‘natural’ remains undefined or defined so narrowly as to leave out the vast majority of birthing women, we must look more deeply at the purpose of being a skilled birthing woman and coaching man. By creating a universal set of skills we can grow a skilled birthing population. By shifting the focus away from the ‘type’ of birth achieved we can include every birthing family and their capacity to achieve a skilled birthing experience.
The greater purpose for using skills during The Birth is to work with our baby’s birth passage no matter what is happening to us or around us. Our commonality leads us. Our individuality is what is.