The very best story about this topic … The Internal Work versus Kegel Exercises/Pelvic Floor Exercises … comes from a dad who was proud of his wife, confused by outcome, determined to change things and successful by effort alone.
Kegel Exercises/Pelvic Floor Exercises … Proud of his wife
‘When my wife and I found out we were pregnant, we were thrilled. We were one of those couples who researched everything, read every book, went to pre-natal classes. Everywhere we were told about the importance of doing Kegel Exercises or Pelvic floor exercises.
My wife was brilliant. Her work was very physical. She was a postie (New Zealand word for someone who delivers the mail) so she rode a bike. She could do the Kegel exercises while riding. She did 100/day! I was so proud.
From what I understood was that she wanted were ‘strong muscles to make it easier to push out’ our baby. We were guaranteed success with your being so committed.
Confused by ‘out’ … a Caesarean!
‘My wife laboured for 15 hours. Mostly she was freaked once the contractions got painful. She got almost fully dilated but labour stalled, our baby’s heartbeat started to seriously go down. My wife was exhausted. Our midwife and obstetrician tried everything.
They finally manually dilated her cervix, then gave her an episiotomy and tired a vacuum extraction and then forceps. Our baby was definitely in trouble and we eventually agreed to a cesarean. We were devastated!
What the hell happened? My wife did everything to have a natural birth. She was religious in strengthening her pushing muscles with Kegel exercises. If she couldn’t have a vaginal birth how could any other woman who wasn’t as prepared?
Determined to change things … Birthing Better The Internal Work
‘We fell pregnant again two years later and discovered Birthing Better resources. The Internal Work is an audio. It takes you step by step how I could prepare inside my wife’s vagina to stretch, make mobile, soften the inside of her vagina. She was SO tight!
I came to understand a simple fact. Our baby is a very big object! There was no way our baby could come out of her tight vagina. She had tight muscles! On the audio the woman is asked to do a Kegel or Pelvic Floor exercise. She did and almost snapped off my finger! I understand why I like that so much when we’re having sex.
But I’m a man, husband and father. I now understood that I had to help her change that tightness. I figured if I could soften her inside and be able to have a vaginal birth this time that I didn’t care whether she was tight or loose down there.
We were religious about doing this. My wife hated it for about 3 weeks. We did start when recommended at 32 weeks. By 36 weeks we could both feel the difference and felt encouraged. We looked forward with trepidation to the birth but were determined to have a vaginal birth after our previous c-section.
Successful by effort alone … She resisted
‘What can I say about birth? First, we finally learned other skills in Birthing Better we didn’t have first time. We were basically told to trust birth and we’d know what to do. Frankly, I didn’t have a clue last time and obviously my freaked out wife hadn’t somehow known how-to birth.
Birthing Better not only gave us the Internal Work, we also had a full range of skills to work together. But she fought me the whole way. Labour contractions got intense and she wanted a caesarean. She demanded one. Our obstetrician and midwife kept telling her she was doing fine and so was the baby.
I just got in her face and demanded she follow my breathing. I used the touch skills to have her focus on softening inside her pelvis. I assured her she could do this. She glared at me but not for one moment did I stop. I knew she could do this. I knew the inside of her crotch and how much we had softened the tissue.
I also knew she’d be a nightmare if I let her give in and have a cesarean. As long as she and our baby were ok I was going to work with her every minute and get her through every contraction. We did. Second stage lasted 30 minutes! She got an urge to push. We got her into a position that kept her open down there yet without pulling the tissue.
I could see how she was opening. I was so proud of our efforts. I kept telling her … ‘You’re opening up so well and you have lots of puffy tissue down there’. She would glare at me but I was so excited!
Afterwards
‘Has my wife thrown out Kegel Exercises or pelvic floor exercises? No. We now understand how important they are for life but not for birth. And how is she down there now? Did she stay puffy and sloppy down there? Nope, by the time we had sex again she was still a bit stretchy from the birth hormones but within 6 months she was a tight as before.
The Internal Work protects your baby and your partner. Your job as a man, partner and father is to behave like one. Do your job and help her prepare her most sensitive body part and the one you love so much.
Birthing Better skills were developed by moms and dads in the early 1970s in the US and used by many thousands globally in all types of birth. Birthing Better online birthing classes are housed in Common Knowledge Trust.