Well … we all know that seems to be a very hard question to answer because we are all so different, each unique and facing different issues. Yet, we share many things in common that are so fundamental we don’t see them.
- We are all Women! That’s not trivial. Any man from any culture, religion or ethnic background could be the father of this child even if it’s a sperm donation. We are one humanity. Therefore we must have a great deal in common. When we lose sight of our most fundamental commonality, we believe we have nothing in common or we take it for granted and believe this commonality is SO mundane as to be insignificant.
- Whether a woman intentionally got pregnant, wanted a baby and is delighted or accidentally fell pregnant, is alone and thinking of giving the baby up for adoption … all pregnant women are changed by being pregnant and carrying a baby inside their body. A baby has a biological mandate to grow and pulls the mother along no matter what. Curiously there is NO correlation between wanting or not wanting a baby and the responses a woman has to the changes inside her.
- All women share a set of emotional components that are recognizable by other humans. This means we (and this includes men) share a common spectrum of emotions and needs. Each individual might express those emotions within a range but even those ranges are understood. For example, one woman might simmer with anger the other scream, yell and throw things. Judgment is often made on how our shared human emotions are expressed.
So, what do most women want during pregnancy?
Knowing there’s a range of emotions, there is also a range of needs and how each woman expresses these needs also varies … yet all within understood perimeters.
What’s important for us to understand is that women are ‘becoming’ a mother (even if the baby is given up for adoption, a miscarriage occurs or the baby passes away) during pregnancy. The Birth is the Gateway activity she will do no matter the circumstances, where or with whom she births. All (100%) of pregnant women move from ‘becoming’ to ‘being’ a mother by giving birth. This passage occurs at each pregnancy.
And we all KNOW there’s a difference between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’.
Pregnant women want/need:
- Kindness
- Patience
- Awareness
- Attention to detail
- Being able to see what needs to be done
- Grow a second set of arms
- Grow two more sets of eyes
- Humor
- Delight
- Clarity
There are other pregnant wants/needs. Feel free to add yours. Keep in mind that not every pregnant woman feels loved or safe yet she is still ‘becoming’ a mother and will pass through this Gateway activity … The Birth. This is why a Skills-based childbirth trend is so essential. Were there a societal expectation that all pregnant women learn birth skills during their pregnancy. No matter the individual situation any woman experiences, she would know that part of being pregnant is learning birth skills. Perhaps 10-20% won’t even if society had this expectation. Without any societal expectation that number rises to 99% of pregnant women NOT learning birth skills during their pregnancy.
Don’t try to jam ‘choices’ into the word ‘skills’. Choices are what a woman ‘wants’ although they may not be what she ‘needs’. Choices may not eventuate, be available or change due to unexpected circumstances … birth skills endure.
So during pregnancy, women will ‘want’ what they individually want but these things may not be available to them. Pregnant women may ‘need’ certain things yet these also may or may not be available. So what can all pregnant women focus on?
Curiously, they can focus on that list and grow those qualities in themselves during pregnancy toward herself, her baby and her partner if she has one. In other words, women are moving through ‘becoming’ to ‘being’ and this journey can grow, enrich, deepen and mature us through a conscious journey.
NEXT POST: What do women want/need to prepare for birth?