I’m going to begin to answer one of the big questions Dad’s ask about childbirth. How do I know when she needs my help?
Knowing when a woman needs help in labour is such an important question and it requires a number of answers.
Knowing when to help doesn’t necessarily mean you know how to help, that comes next.
Even with skills, if you don’t know when to help it’s much more difficult to help effectively in labour, knowing when to help a woman means you need to be able to hear and see whether the woman is coping with the painful sensations as labour gets more intense.
When to help depends on your ability to recognise early signs of any tension in the woman and then help her to relax.
The quicker you notice tension, the sooner you can help, then it’s easier for the woman to get on top of the contraction.
Labour is one contraction at a time and recognising early tension and reducing it prevents labours that feel out of control.
Of course a woman’s job is to stay on top of the painful sensations, let them happen and yet feel in control of how she’s responding.
Staying in control can be very challenging to us as women.
Labour can hurt.
A woman’s body is a three-dimensional container with a very big object.
Our baby trying to get out.
Childbirth is called labour because it’s hard work.
Your birthig partner wants you to know when and how to help her do the work and you want to know when and how to help her.
It’s easiest if the two of you work together with a shared set of skills.
Any tension the woman has in her body may make labour contractions more painful and more difficult to deal with.
Tensing up in response to any pain is very natural. Opening up in labour when you feel pain is counter-intuitive and requires excellent and effective skills.
Every birthing woman can learn to manage by using good birthing skills particularly with the attentive help of a good birth coach.
Whether we like it labour or not, if we manage ourselves well we feel proud of ourselves afterward.
As a Dad you can share the incredible sense of accomplishment when you know you’ve helped in every step of the way.
Childbirth is mystery enough without being mystifying.
So this isn’t rocket science and you have the rest of your pregnancy to practise.
Try this exercise now.
Turn to your partner. Does she have a relaxed forehead and face?
If her forehead looks relaxed in labour, she’s coping whether her eyes are opened or not.
She may be in very early labour and isn’t feeling any pain or she’s putting coping skills in place even during each painful contraction.
Remember a woman might not like the experience and her inner voice might be screaming at her but if her forehead is relaxed, then she’s coping and managing.
She might not need any assistance now. Bottom line. If forehead is relaxed, she might not need help.
Now have pregnant partner frown or wrinkle forehead.
Wrinkled forehead means she’s having some difficulty staying on top of the labor pain.
This is when you help her and coach her.
Facial features are telling you when to help.
It’s as simple as that.
When you learn to observe small reactions to pain then you can help sooner. Labour never needs to get out of control.
You’ll find all these skills in Negative/Positive Voice in Birthing Better Childbirth Preparation Online Course along with these other skills presented in mixed media.