I will never get over my failed VBAC

Will VBAC Fail?

If you will never get over your failed VBAC then you need to take a few minutes to read this post and then consider your feelings as you arrive here and leave. We want to inspire you and send you down a pathway toward success as you birth you baby. First … we want to show you how to have a successful VBAC. Second … we want to show you how-to achieve a positive and empowered birth no matter the circumstances and that includes birthing your baby by another cesarean. No, no … don’t shut off!

Birthing Better families developed skills way back in the 1970s so that early adapters could even seek a ‘trial of labor’ when there were no ‘choices’, no Birth Plans and a classical Cesarean. We achieved phenomenal VBAC success but learned something profound along the way. This is it in a nutshell. The birth of our baby is the most important Life event and our baby’s birth is important to us. We had to elevate each and every birth. 

We achieved the above goal by making certain that we used the same skills we developed to achieve a successful VBAC to birth our baby even when we then had a subsequent cesarean. In other words, the activity of giving birth to our baby included the ‘choice’ to use our skills over the Time it took for our baby to be born. Look at that Time Frame now!

Labor and vaginal time frame

All Time frames start in pregnancy. There are FOUR:

  1. We had to prepare our pregnant body to become a birthing body. Birthing Better families learned we had to do this from 24 weeks pregnant onward. Without an open, mobile pelvis that could create space we could have a delay in 1st stage with a stuck baby. But if we were 40+ plus we still could do learn some of the skills so we never, ever gave up or said: ‘Can’t be bothered’ or ‘Too late for me’. And we never, ever, ever went into any labor without some set of skills.
  2. We had to do The Internal Work from 32 weeks  pregnant onward. We absolutely had to have soft tissue inside our baby’s birth passage. Tense tissue ‘down there’ could prevent cervical dilation, the baby’s descent into the birth canal and delay in 2nd stage. But if we were 40+ pregnant, we could still learn how to check ourselves and find out where our baby really was in relationship to our pelvis. We KNEW we had to do these two things because if we had a ‘failure to progress’ or ‘delay in 1st or 2nd stage’ then we were going to have more interventions including another c-section.
  3. We also had to learn effective birth and birth-coaching skills so that we could get through the Trial of Labor with or without lots of medical ‘interventions’. In other words, we had to learn to birth, cope well, stay on top of and in control. Because we KNEW we would have more interventions if we looked overwhelmed and out of control. More interventions could lead to an unplanned cesarean yet again.
  4. We absolutely had to use our skills during the transition period from the end of pregnancy into labor and throughout. Waiting until labor got tough was absolute non-sense. We had to work together as skilled partners (because all the Birthing Better skills were developed equally by fathers and mothers). We had to start using skills during Braxton-Hicks contractions that then morphed into labor contractions.

Here is the list of Specific Skills for VBAC

Labor to emergency Cesarean time frame

Here’s where Birthing Better families need to get really serious with you. If your goal of your birth is only a VBAC then you have lost sight of why you got pregnant. You did NOT get pregnant to have a particular type of birth. You got pregnant to have your BABY! This means Birthing Better families committed to using our skills no matter what was going on. We really want you to understand what we did.

Sure if our labor turned to an emergency or unplanned Cesarean we just continued to use our skills to birth our baby in this changed set of circumstances. Time still was happening while we got prepped for surgery and during the surgery itself. This is our baby’s birth. We had to stop being focused our ‘ME’ and realise we are having ‘OUR’ baby and we can use skills to birth our baby.

Using skills while being prepped and in surgery was no longer a sense of failure but pride. We do not fail whenever we give birth. But we feel more empowered and have a more positive experience when we use birth and birth-coaching skills than if we filled this same Time Frame doing nothing, feeling passive and bewildered about how we got from a desired VBAC to another cesarean.

Non-laboring Cesarean time frame

Do NOT shut us out and flick off this page! You are pregnant with your baby. You might WANT, WANT, WANT a VBAC. That is your want. You might BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE that a VBAC is safer for you and your baby and are scared. This is why it’s so important you do the same 4 steps above. Your body is preparing to labor and have a vaginal birth … all the hormones are kicking in. Your Mind knows that you won’t labor and have a vaginal birth.

Is Cesarean risky to you and baby? Is labor and vaginal birth risky to you and baby? Safety and risk is hindsight! Don’t get stuck there. Just become skilled and use your skills throughout the latter part of your pregnancy with Braxton-Hicks because your body is preparing to birth.

Use your skills in car to hospital, while being prepped and during the surgical birth of your baby. Honestly, parenting isn’t perfect and birth is not often perfect either. Learn skills to be an empowered and positive parent. Do the same with your baby’s birth.

Choice is not about what you want! 

Choice is about how you behave, manage, cope, work through, deal with, stay on top of and in control of even the MOST challenging circumstances. Birthing Better families opened up their Minds and Hearts to understand that the ‘choice’ we really have is whether we have learned and use skills to handle what Life throws at us. We also had a ‘choice’ of which skill/s we used at any moment.

Many Birthing Better families had very challenging births. The majority of them were high risk. We know how to birth our babies! We choose to become skilled. We choose to use our skills to birth our baby. We choose to feel empowered by the skills we use rather than what happens to or around us.

Join us. Become empowered. Commit to your baby’s birth. Work hard to achieve your VBAC success goal with Specific Skills for VBAC.  And if your baby’s birth shifts from labor to cesarean still choose to use your skills! 

Welcome to empowered births! #WeCanBirthBetter

Do you feel different now? Do you see commonsense in what we’re saying? We hope we’ve helped you feel stronger within yourself.

 

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